Image Sensor Technologist Jokes

DB posted these jokes in comments. This appears to be the largest image sensor jokes collection known to mankind and certainly deserves to be on the front page:

1. Image sensor technologists don't die, they go into a low-voltage state.
2. Image sensor technologists don't lose weight, they move to a smaller manufacturing process.
3. Image sensor technologists don't check the airline schedule, they measure the TOF.
4. Image sensor technologists don't go bald, they increase the depletion region.
5. Image sensor technologists don't turn over when tanning, they switch to backside illumination.
6. Image sensor technologists don't lose money when switching currencies, they increase conversion gain.
7. Image sensor technologists don't plant apple trees, they generate e-h pairs.
8. Image sensor technologists don't listen to MP3S, they use true CDS.
9. What is the difference between a young child who sees a spider and a CIS technologist who sees a sensor? One says "Eek! Eew!" and the other says "Q! E!"
10. Why did the CIS technologist's girlfriend only go out with him during the daytime and never in the evenings? He wasn't sensitive enough in low light.
11. A CIS technologist got a call from one of his co-workers, who was talking excitedly, "I was cleaning the dust off our new CIS prototype, and when I rubbed the cover glass, a genie came out! The genie told me I could choose one of three wishes: 50 million dollars, lifelong fame and adoration by all humanity, or an improvement to any characteristic of the image sensor."
    "So which one did you pick?"
    "Isn't it obvious? Our QE and FWC were good enough already, so I chose read noise."
12. "Knock knock."
    "Who's there?"
    "European."
    "European who?"
    "Your p/n junction has too much injection-diffusion current from thermal electrons."
13. What's the difference between a voodoo witch doctor and a CIS technologist? The CIS technologist uses more of the secret black arts.
14. CIS technologists are like drug dealers: they play with doping concentration and charge collection.
15. Why did the CIS technologist break up with his girlfriend? To find someone with a smaller feature size.
16. In the middle 1800's, the ancestors of CIS technologist Eric Fossum travelled west on the Oregon Trail. Their wagon train was different in that it had two covered wagons side-by-side: one side pulled by oxen, the other side pulled by mules. Two people were chosen to lead the trains, one to conduct each side. The wagon train conductor had another duty too: to review the drawings made by the other pioneers and put black ink over any inappropriate content, such as drawings of Mages and Imps. The mule side was great, so volunteers were plentiful. But getting volunteers for the oxen side was hard, because one of the oxen smelled so bad that they called him "Sammy The Fanny". Eventually they came to a solution. Whoever took the position would receive a Complementary Medal: "Ox-side Sammy Conductor Imp-Mage Censor".
17. Why did the CIS technologist cross the road? Because his energy was higher than the band-gap.
18. The CIS technologist could never understand women until he finally sent one to Chipworks.
19. Three image sensor technologists went duck hunting. While wading through a river in the pre-dawn morning, the first said "too much dark current, I'm going home." A little later they took a few shots and the second one said "too much shot noise, I'm leaving." The third hunter got frustrated that he never seemed to be able to hit any ducks and left saying "yield is too low."
20. What is the difference between a casino gambler and a CIS technolgoist? The gambler has a better chance of reproducing consistent results between runs.
21. "Knock knock"
    "Who's there?"
    "Arty"
    "Arty who?"
    "Arty S Noise is proportional to 1/L^2 of the source follower transistor."
22. Chuck Norris Facts:
    Chuck Norris doesn't use a reticle, he just glares at the silicon wafer to get the image sensor he wants.
    Sensors designed by Chuck Norris can't be used in cameras with face detection, because it always results in a roundhouse kick to the face.
    When Chipworx analyzed the new sensor by Chuck Norris, all they found was another fist.
    Diffraction has no effect on optics built by Chuck Norris. The light waves are too afraid to interfere with eachother.
23. It's only when you characterize a sensor with a very bright light, such as with a powerful laser, that you realize how often they spontaneously develop dead pixels.
24. A Marketing Director, a CFO, and a CIS technologist were sitting around a camp fire. The Marketing Director pulled out his journal titled "lies I told this week, 3rd volume" and threw it in the fire. The bean counter asked him why, and he said "where I come from, we've got tons of lies, so there's plenty more where that came from." A little later, the bean counter pulled out a stack of ledger books and threw them on the fire. He said, "Where I come from, we cook the books all the time, so there's plenty more where that came from." The image sensor technologist pulled out his e-book and opened the Image Sensors World blog. Then he shot the Marketing director and threw his body on the fire. "What did you do that for!?" said the bean counter. "Where I come from", said the CIS technologist, "we have plenty of those guys."